you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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