Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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