MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
