there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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