Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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