I met the friendliest cop last night
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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