Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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