i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
