Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
