Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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