oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
