You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
