he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
