if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
