i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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