my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
