I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
