I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sext me about skeletons
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
