Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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