i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
