And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
