My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
