Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize