I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
