if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
there is glitter all over my balls
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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