all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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