Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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