if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
