I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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