Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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