i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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