you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
