You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
