ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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