My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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