Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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