Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
