theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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