I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
