so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
