I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize