a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
