CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
