They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize