the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
