His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
