sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
