when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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