i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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