If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
