the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
