Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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