I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
