so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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