i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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