we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
how drunk are you?
Several
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
