She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
