Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
