I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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