Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
