the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
