I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
