awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
