Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
