Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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