he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We left the knife in your bed.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
