She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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