Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
