non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
