I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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