It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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