my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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