there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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