We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
