I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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