this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
