He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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